another year and it's already sakura season once more...
It seems that time is going quite fast. I do not know if anyone besides myself visits this place. That is quite fine considering the fact that I have a feeling something is changing. There will be another life change, and it's usually when I'm feeling my worst. Spring is when my body rhythm feels very low, so many things that normally wouldn't worry me, worry and make me crazy at this time of the year.
Sadly, I wish not to spread these kinds of feelings to others, so I've kept to myself. And writing it here, at least I've been somewhat honest to myself.
I guess I have not ever felt like time is running out before. It's different from not having enough time to do things. Maybe it's because I met someone I didn't expect to meet.
I am afraid, rather than that person leaving me as with all people, that this person will be lonely once I am not with them. Funny thing is, I know I am the one who remembers everything, and that person doesn't remember me. What a sad love rather than being rejected by people who said I was too independent or admirable for them. (I don't think I'm so great. I wish I were smart and decent looking and good with words.) Still, with Su and Sei as my ideal and I live in Tokyo, I wonder...

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008 at 07:42 a.m.

wow, another year is passing.
it seems like a long time until i update, but i have to say that maybe it's because i wanted to be quiet. i've been inside myself for a long time here in tokyo and now i have to catch up. ^_^

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Saturday, October 27, 2007 at 08:19 a.m.

Because there were many things to pray for...
Been going through too many life issues and changes in one week so I've been praying and crying at the same time.

St. Jude Novena
May the Sacred Heart of Jesus be adored, glorified, loved & preserved throughout the world now & forever. Sacred Heart of Jesus, pray for us. St. Jude, helper of the hopeless pray for us.

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Sunday, July 29, 2007 at 08:30 a.m.

the time that doesn't stop
It feels like time slips by so quickly. It has been eight years since I've been in college. And this is the first time in my life since then, being completely alone to do as I please, I do not know what to do.
I can't go to AX because I'm not in the country. But I will prolly go to Tokyo Game Show. And I'm really not into dating though I keep on getting asked out. I guess I've lost faith in that area. The people I truly am in love with don't ever seem to like me back. Reality of life.
Things have been hard but I've been trying to put my thoughts together into books and stuff. Fanfics...it's like I don't know if what I want to really say comes out. To have things on paper is hard to read back. Then again, all my memories are embedded inside each one.

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Friday, June 22, 2007 at 03:31 a.m.

i am back?
currently, i have just finished two parts (out of seven) for a new Gravi fic. it is funny that when i really had no time, i couldn't do it, but now i really have more stuff, but i am trying my best to complete even more in this upcoming year.
it is funny how you go through life trying to be the best that you can be each day. i am not a confident person and i am a crybaby, but it's that time of year again. i think i shall venture into more fanfics to distract my thoughts.
in the past year i've been in tokyo, there have been many mental changes that i did not notice. and there have been things that i've been ignoring because i thought i dealt with them, like being shy. but some people really bring that out of you. XD
life is rushing by for me. it is already thursday and it is march with the sakura blooming. i will go to ueno soon. it is my place of comfort...and i was just there. i go to kinokuniya and ueno too much. --;;;

songs of the day: all jay chou

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007 at 04:40 p.m.

I can't believe I read 'Aki' on the sign when I came back from work today!
Yes, it has been officially a whole nine months since I've been in Tokyo. It has been to fast if you ask me, but nonetheless, it has been fun.
I went to Hong Kong to see my Honey and I have been thinking a lot about things such as jobs, my goals in life, and relationships with other people (as a sister, friend, lover, etc.). At this point in life, I miss some people that I used to be friends with. I also miss a lot of things from SF and yet I would not trade anything. I never have money, but I always have people around me. Even though I can't talk to all of them anymore, for one reason or other, I have met more people each and everyday. Duality thinks it's funny because it's as if I'm making this small network in the world. I just like learning from other people, which is why I enjoy teaching so much.
I am in love with my children and the adults I teach. I feel like I am living a triple life now because of all the commitments I have. I don't have time to really think about everything because even on the train, I am reading to gain more knowledge.
I am stressed as usual. I have lost about 32 lbs., but I am healthy, for the most part. I am tired most of the time, but I am quite happy with life. I hope I don't have to leave Japan anytime too soon. I am too in love with it.

Ah, it is iroirona fanfiction's anniversary. I will make a fic or two.

song of the day: mahou no kotoba by spitz (honey and clover live action movie theme)

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Saturday, September 2, 2006 at 08:58 a.m.

life in the fast lane
My life in Tokyo has been one big adventure. I've already cried and gotten frustrated. I've also found myself saying 'God, it's great to be alive' and 'Thank you, by the grace of God, that I have luck like this!'.
I'm finding myself in writing again. It seems uncertain. I've read old stuff and feel uneasy, as if the stuff I make now is evolving with a different taste. I like it and half don't, so I'm a little mad at myself but trying hard. This is true writer's block, I guess. And yet, I am happy with everything.
I wish luck to everyone as well. Take care! I wish I were at AX too! XD

Clamp! I need more X or TB! Or Subaru in Tsubasa! XDDD

song of the week: Iceman and Kotani Kinya mixes

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Sunday, June 25, 2006 at 02:40 a.m.

happy birthday, angel!
I can't believe it's that time of year again! XDDD It's the 24th here already but it'll be in your time. ^________________^ I LOVE YOU! HAPPY B-DAY!

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Friday, June 23, 2006 at 11:58 p.m.

and time passes...quickly?
Having come into the working world, my social life has not gone to zero, but my 'free time' is pretty much nil. There is so much to say but I am too tired to say it. Also, it would be too long.
In these past few months, I've done a whirlwind of things I've never thought I'd do, both good and bad. There were some most unexpected things also. Still, despite my frustrations over some work aspects, life is quite good. I still cannot believe I am a part of Japanese society. On the other hand, I'm totally used to it by now.
All I can say for myself is that no matter how much someone can get to me, I'm still such a softie. I do not know if that is good but maybe I'm doing something right. I feel even more like Subaru, living in the country and exact city where he was created.
I feel that there is a mix of contradictions and I can't explain them because they will seem very cruel in a way to bring them up. Strange, yet true.

All that I am sure of right now is that no matter what, I am still quite happy. So, I can life is good, despite the hardships.

I wish I could write more fanfics though, if I wasn't sleepy all the time. ;_;

*smiles* Despite all the chaos, I am quite peaceful.

song of the day: Rosier by Luna Sea

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006 at 07:13 a.m.

as updated as it gets?
As the pass very quickly, there are a million things that run through my head, much faster than before, but I am unable to actually voice my opinions on anything. I work for about 10 hours average everyday and I only have time to really sleep well on weekends. And though there are a lot of frustrations, I am having a fun time here in Tokyo.
The more time I spend here by 'myself', I find that I am very behind with things and events from the life I used to live. It's strange that I should say that, but I went to Ikebukuro to get something for Tatsuha (I don't know why, but I reallllllly thought you'd like it) and Shinjuku for my brother. I thought about the days I used to just leave things behind and go downtown when I was in LA and SF. I went into Kinokuniya thinking, "I'm behind with manga. I wonder what else I've missed." Even though I write emails and stuff, I still feel a little empty and guilty, as if I don't do enough. But you know what? As genki as I am, I am always tired to the point that I die at night much faster than before. But despite all this, I love my kids. XD
I feel like I'm changing into this person that's strange and unrecognizable. Then again, it's a transition period. I should give myself some leeway on this, but still, I'm frustrated though I understand more about life and human mentalities that I was not aware of before.
And then, I dreamt of all these people I hadn't seen for years. It's strange 'cause one of them just messaged me out of nowhere, which was cute. ^_^
It's the middle of the night and I'm talking, probably gibberish, but I made a wall of inspirations in my room. For now, it has Seichan and Ryuichi drawings that I made and full-length Tezuka poster. It gets me up in the morning. ^____^ And you'll always see me blowing my money on Initial D. Seriously, how many FC3S's do I really need? But honestly, I understand now that I love Takumi because everyone underestimated him and then he came out of nowhere to kick ass. I feel I've become very quiet here in Japan.

Despite everything, I only prayed for one thing and I said I'd do anything for it. *smiles*
The world can do anything to me, but don't take my world away from me. As I say in my classroom, 'I make it the way I want it to be.'

I hope everyone's okay. I miss everyone. I love you guys for always being patient and understanding with me. I only write once in a while, but I'm trying (for blog and fanfics).

(i love ya, takaba!)

song of the day: can't stop falling in love (ddr)

When you plead, it makes me want to tease you more. Runaway from me...I want you too much.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006 at 07:50 a.m.